Making our esteem work for us on our daily lives is not as easy as it seems. For one thing our perceptions of ourselves vary from time to time. Our feelings and thoughts are somewhat dependent on our daily experiences. Some of this might be scoring high on an exam, or getting the job you love, or probably losing something you’ve always wanted. These are just examples of how it affects what you think of yourself.
For somebody who has Tourette Syndrome, everyday of their lives is obviously a roller coaster ride. For one thing, they might not be able to do things the same way other people do. Writing down a simple note might take them hours to do. Walking their dog to the park might be an enormous task. Saying “I love you” might also be something so grueling. Because of all these simple tasks that seem so complex for somebody who has tourette, self-esteem is beyond doubt affected. Many social issues also arise when self- esteem is depleted. One important factor to consider is finding out the things that you can control. Because that will lead your way to working these things out for yourself rather than things that you are not in control of. If a person sees you different the first time and made you feel ridiculed, exonerate this person’s behavior for he obviously might not know the reasons behind your indifference. But if a person already understands what you’re going through but still is insensitive to your feelings then the best thing you can do is work yourself out so that these negative experiences would not affect how you feel for yourself.
In the psychological self, we have what we call “psychological boundary”. This boundary maintains our own decisions and influences and practically helps you determine if a given situation is good for you or not. When we often rely on our present capability to resolve on how we think of ourselves, poor self- esteem come into the picture. This is the time when we are dependent on external experiences to offset all the negative feelings that we have, the result— temporary happiness. Our psychological boundary becomes so thin or even permeable to negative feelings and thoughts making us so fragile or vulnerable that our self- esteem is sacrificed. In order to help you maintain the psychological boundary that we are talking about and be able to raise your spirits up despite the downbeats is learning how to accurately assess yourself, to value yourself, and to accept yourself unconditionally.
Assessing yourself might not be so hard at all. Just take a good look at yourself and contemplate on keeping in mind that you have a purpose in this world. Whatever that purpose is, you need yourself to rely on in order to reach your goal. Reaching your goal means preserving yourself to make the right decisions, to understand the world around you or better yet to admit to yourself that despite life has been so unfair— life still is good. And it’s actually great to be given a chance to live in this world. Highlight what you can do rather than what you cannot. Emphasize your talents and nurture them so that you will be able to share them to people.
Valuing yourself is another thing to consider. You have to be able to keep yourself worthy primarily for yourself and secondarily to your family and friends. Keeping a mantra everyday when you wake in the morning is one exercise that will help you value yourself more. This is one practice I have been doing since I learned it. Having a mantra for yourself is just like complimenting yourself for looking good or basically for whatever it is that you’re proud to have done in your life.
Accepting yourself is just as important. It is to realistically accept your strengths and weaknesses. Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. Having TS might be your weakness but don’t let this ruin your capability to live life to the fullest. I remember one quote from the United States’ Tourette Syndrome Association—and I’d like you to bear this in mind—- “I have Tourettes, But Tourettes doesn’t have me!”
They say that self- esteem mainly develops during childhood. This is an eye- opener for parents since children during their childhood would greatly rely on their parents for their daily experiences. Considering a child who has Tourettes obviously need guidance but I would like to reiterate that if you have more than one child, then your other children needs equal guidance as well. Most of the time, the simple the experience is of the child, the more impact this has on the child’s self- esteem. Do not dispense with a child wanting to tell you stories of his experiences in school. Always take time to listen. Praise your child for something he has done well for himself, even if it’s too small for you— like making scribbles on paper, tying his shoes or even helping a classmate at school. Hug and kiss them once in a while. And to tell you honestly, most families in the Philippine society might not be mushy at all but saying “I love you” once in a while helps. All these and more lead to healthy self- esteem in the long run.
Always remember that before you can even go your way through improving your self- esteem you must first open yourself to change. Challenge your inner self for better decisions, better acceptance, valuing yourself and loving yourself on top of that. Then the last one would be opening up yourself to people, get help from others if you need to. Sometimes, you might not even notice but people are willing to help…all you need is to ask.
Original article posted on February 25, 2007
Copyright 2007 By: MRB Victorino
Last Update: June 2, 2007
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