My Struggle with Tourette Syndrome: Story of a Filipino Guy with TS

Yet another Tourette Syndrome Life Story
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My very first motor tic appeared when I was in grade three. For the first few months, I kept on touching my hair repeatedly. It seemed to be a typical hair-fixing habit to some, but I started getting reactions from people when more of the “classic” TS tics came out less than a year after. My eyes blinked absurdly, I had facial twitches, and slight vocal tics appeared when I reached high school. My tics would often change from one form to another. At times, I would have strong, head-jerking movements. The next thing I know, I’d have my arm flipping, coupled with a loud “humph!” vocal tic.

Life was tough for me during those years. I was being teased at school, got stared at by other people everywhere, and worse- I was scolded at home. “Tigilan mo ‘yan!” my mother would shout to me no less than a dozen times a day. At that time, many speculations have come out from friends, neighbors and relatives. These people would tell me and my mother, “Ay, mannerisms lang ‘yan, pwede pang pigilan…” or “ ‘Yung anak ng kapatid ko, ganyan din noon, nawala naman.” A relative of ours has even insisted on having us visit a Psychiatrist- a move that I completely opposed, for obvious reasons. One of the most common reactions I heard was “Nasa ugat lang ‘yan…ipa-hilot mo,” a suggestion I still hear up to these days. Nevertheless, I strived very hard trying to live a normal teenage life despite of all the gossips from neighbors, ridicule that I get from peers, and even reprimands from teachers who seem to have been distracted by my tics. I decided to cope with my shortcomings by excelling in as many things as I could

At times, especially when scolded, or when I’m about to face a situation I deem crucial, I suppress my tics. But just like any other TS cases, suppressing tics can be exhausting and stressful, causing my tics to worsen once I stop holding them.

It was my father who had the hardest time dealing with it. He often finds himself greeted by a new tic I exhibit every time he comes home from his work abroad. My motor and vocal tics, which he considered as mere “habits” that I have formed, made him very furious at times. I knew back then, that I could not blame him for his, oftentimes, harsh reactions. But I was aware that being their only child, seeing me tic frustrates him and my mother more than any other person in the world. Only later in my life that I found out they were simply afraid of what kind of future might await me.

In 1993, I was referred to a Neurologist by our family Ophthalmologist who has noticed my unusual eye-blinking tics. After a few visits, series of questions and medical tests, I was officially diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. There was an instant relief for me when I heard that it actually has a name, and that it is NOT a psychological disorder like what many people have thought, but a NEUROLOGICAL condition caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. However, that first diagnosis was not enough to convince my father. It was only until my third diagnosis and counseling from a Neuro-psychiatrist that swayed my father to understand that it was not easy to have TS. Since then, I have been given utmost support and better understanding by my parents-something that I have always needed.

In 1997, I became a member of the Tourette Syndrome Association based in New York. Since then, they have been sending me a number of reading materials and newsletters that they publish quarterly. It has also given me the chance to get in touch with other people with TS from other countries, providing me more medical information and inspirational stories.

I was prescribed with Haldol, Risperdal and many other medications by my past three neurologists. However, in 1998, I made a personal decision to refrain from any form of neuroleptics, because of the possible side-effects and expensiveness of these drugs. I knew there would be consequences, but I was determined to live with TS, and simply try to do my best in everything that I do.

I graduated from DLSU-CSB in 2000 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Industrial Design. Now at 24, I work as a Senior Industrial Designer in one of the country’s most respected design firms. Presently, I am also with a vocal-acoustic group, performing regularly in a number of bars & restaurants in Metro Manila.

My tics are still very evident. People still stare at me, some even laugh or get irritated when I tic. In fact, my tics have obviously worsened in the past few years, due to the stressful, yet enjoyable lifestyle I’ve chosen. They subside though, when I relax. However, I believe that having a normal life is still a choice laid upon my jerking hands as a gift from God. I face clients with my tics. I perform in front of a crowd with my tics. Tourette Syndrome is not a hindrance to achieving a normal and enjoyable life. It will always be helpful though, to be diagnosed correctly to avoid the perils of misconception and wrong diagnosis. Moreover, support, understanding and a great deal of patience exerted by family and friends help a lot in this constant battle in life faced by people with Tourette Syndrome like me.
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What you have just read is a true to life story of a Filipino guy with Tourette Syndrome, a very active member of the Philippine Tourette Syndrome Association. I hope that with this letter, others will come out and share their own stories. Or perhaps you can comment on this article. Thank you.